Have you ever flipped on to the top of your head while tumbling during a gymnastics practice, which resulted in a concussion lasting 18 months? If your answer is no, don’t worry, I can tell you all about it.
As I walked into the gym that afternoon, I felt my eyes drooping and my feet dragging behind me. The usual smell of chalk and sweat was in the air, although it was cooler than I had expected it to be in the middle of September. I looked across the gym, noticing the many different colors of blue, sparsely cut with accents of red and green and yellow and orange on the different colored mats we had laying around. The younger girls had started running around the floor for warmup, and my team was quick to follow. As my teammates and I started stretching for our first event, I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I suspected to be a difficult practice. I knew what was going to be expected of me during this practice, and I knew that trying to accomplish it on 3 hours of sleep was going to be grueling.
My teammates and I knew what was coming, but even still, I could feel the dread fill the air as we were being told our assignment on floor. We expected to do full routines, seeing as our competitive season was fast approaching, but there is always an inkling of hope that your coach will give an easier assignment. Full routines meant that we would be doing all of our skills intertwined with music and dance, which is more tiring and nerve wracking than you might think. My teammates and I started warming up our tumbling skills. The thuds of feet on the baby blue spring loaded floor sound like far away thunder as I began warming up. As I stepped up to go, I could feel the fear gathering in the back of my throat, almost like I was trying not to cry. I sprinted down the floor, my feet flew over top of my head, and I found myself landing on my butt. I tried again, with no luck. I sprinted harder the next time, and still, I don’t land on my feet. I looked over to my coach, about 100 meters to my left, and heard him crystal clear as he screamed at me to tumble harder. As my other teammates start their floor routines, I can hear their jazz pop music in the background while I tried my hardest to focus on what my coach had corrected me on. I stepped up and took my next turn. I sprinted harder than I thought I could, flipped my feet over faster than I had all day, except this time instead of landing on my butt, I felt my right temple make contact with the floor which then was followed by the rest of my body. The music cut out. The gym, and every person practicing, seemed to go silent. Their gaze felt hot, and the seconds between the fall and my coach asking if I was ok, seemed more like minutes. I was extremely discombobulated and proceeded to go into the bathroom to cool down. Although the bathroom floor was icy on my feet, the air still seemed warm, so I stepped outside through the main lobby to cool down further. It was already dark outside which thankfully helped me disguise my tears from the parents that were coming to pick their kids up from the recreational classes.
I finally gathered myself and walked back inside. My team moved to the next event which was beam. Standing on a 4-inch piece of wood raised 5 feet in the air is already difficult, and after hitting your head it gets even harder. Gracesyn, one of my teammates noticed how hard I struggled and asked,
“Jules are you good?”
“I feel…like weird, I feel loopy or something. I can’t balance…”
“Yeah I know I saw you trying to do your routine”
“I don’t know what’s wrong but I just don’t feel safe up here”
“Go ask to sit down”
I sat and watched my teammates for the rest of practice, which was about 30 minutes. As I left I told my parents what happened, and they suggested a doctor visit considering my symptoms. As I sat in the exam room, with the lights off, I didn’t think my concussion would take 18 months to heal. I didn’t think that I would be sitting in that same spot 18 months later not doing gymnastics anymore. I expected to return to practice in 2 weeks. I expected my goals, personality, priorities, friends, and life to stay unchanged through this concussion. The person at the first appointment struggled with the idea that things change, that change is a part of life. 18 months later, after losing things that I had considered part of my identity, I knew that change is more closely related to growth than it is to destruction.